Divorce is one of the most stressful life events anyone can experience. It’s not just about ending a relationship — it can bring financial uncertainty, worries about children, fear of stigma, and even old wounds resurfacing from past experiences. For many, divorce feels like a storm that touches every corner of life. It doesn’t matter whether you initiate the Divorce, or if were the one served with the papers. Both litigants of a divorce dispute will suffer stress from the process.
While no two divorces are the same, there are healthy ways to manage stress and regain a sense of balance. Here are some strategies we suggest to our clients going through the process of divorce:
1. Choose Your Confidants Carefully
One of the first calls you make might be to your best friend. A close friend can provide comfort, but remember that they aren’t trained to carry the full weight of your worries. A therapist can. Therapists offer objectivity, guidance, and the time you need to process everything without fear of overburdening those close to you.
If you ever feel completely overwhelmed, confidential helplines are available in New Jersey and New York:
- NJ Hopeline: 1-855-654-6735
- NYC Well: 1-888-692-9355 (or text WELL to 65173)
2. Check in with Your Primary Care Doctor
Stress has real physical effects. Schedule an appointment with your primary care physician so they’re aware of what you’re going through and can monitor your health. They can help with sleep disturbances, appetite changes, or other concerns. If a temporary sleep aid, anti-depressant, or anxiety medication is recommended, know this: it will not hurt you in divorce court. Judges understand that divorce is often very difficult, and taking care of your health is viewed as responsible, not harmful. In fact, it is far preferable to you losing your cool and yelling at kids (or worse), which could be tagged as violent behavior my your ex!
3. Prioritize Your Physical Well-Being
- Movement: Even a 20-minute walk can lower stress hormones. Plus walking outside is proven to help mental health similar to EMDR (rapid eye movement) therapy
- Nutrition: Small steps matter — try adding one raw vegetable juice a day to boost energy and mood.
- Sleep: Aim for regular rest. Good sleep is the foundation of emotional resilience, and medical support is available if insomnia becomes an issue.
- Vitamins: Take your medicines and vitamins religiously during this time. Vitamin D helps with immunity, which can be compromised when under stress.
4. Practice Breathwork
When stress builds, your breath often becomes shallow and fast. Intentional breathing techniques can instantly calm your body. Try the 4-7-8 method: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Just a few cycles can slow your heart rate and shift your nervous system out of “fight or flight.” This is a very useful tool you can practice when sitting at your desk and feeling panic setting in.
5. Compartmentalize Your Emotions
Divorce can feel all-consuming. The key isn’t to push feelings away but to organize them. Imagine placing your sadness, anger, or fear in a mental “drawer” during the day so you can focus on your work, your children, or your daily tasks. Then, give yourself a set time — maybe 20 minutes each evening, but as much time as you need, without judgment is fine — to open that drawer and process your emotions fully. This way, you honor your feelings without letting them overwhelm every part of life.
6. Focus on What You Can Control
Divorce often feels like life is spinning out of control. Reclaim calm by setting small, achievable goals: organizing documents, creating a budget, or building a new routine. Each step forward restores a sense of agency. Remember and practice this mantra: This too shall pass.
7. Protect Your Children’s Emotional Space
Children are sensitive to parental stress. Keeping routines consistent, reassuring them they are loved, and avoiding conflict in their presence not only helps them — it helps you, too. Never, absolutely never, criticize your spouse to your children. Not only has research shown this to be detrimental to the children, it can also lead to a potential argument of parental alienation against you by your ex.
8. Build the Right Professional Team
Trusted advisors — a lawyer, a therapist, a financial advisor — can take weight off your shoulders. Knowing you have experts in your corner provides peace of mind and frees you to focus on your well-being. Check in with your HR Department at work to see if you have tools as part of your benefits plans that can help, sometimes free of charge. Even lawyers have access to certain mental health programs through their law society and bar associations. Check out what systems you may already have in place before you go our and spend money on professionals.
9. Do not post on Social Media
While it may be tempting to share your life dilemmas online, be careful not to overshare on social media. Your ex (or his/her friends) may see what you post and it could end up as evidence against you in court. If you need to share, do so anonymously, and join support groups of people like you going through divorce where posting may be safer and you will get the support and validation you need.
A Final Thought
Divorce may feel like an ending, but it can also be the beginning of a more peaceful chapter. Caring for your body, mind, and spirit during this transition will not only help you manage the stress — it will prepare you for the next stage of life.
If you’re going through a divorce and feeling overwhelmed, reach out. Support exists, and you don’t have to carry this alone.
